Almost a year has gone by! One thing is for sure, the time is going to pass whether or not I pay attention.
Healthy lifestyle goals? Down the crapper while I focused on work/money stuff. Now at a crossroads, almost debt free and in the very slow, very tedious process of moving I realise time is going to pass (3 weeks till next forward motion to be exact) regardless.
It's going to pass whether I dedicate this day to my physical & emotional body or not. So why not focus on it?
Why not indeed! Have nothing better to do than sit around and wait for the next move, why not take one more step along the yellow brick road. There are surely people out there who are in the same position, looking for motivation and camaraderie!
What position would that be exactly? Well the position of having lost 25kg in a year, gained it back in the 2nd year and spent the current year trying to figure shit out and maintaining in the process.
Learning to come to peace with food. That 25kg was lost on my own version of a very low cal diet wherein I would eat 800 cal of balanced food (meat, veg, fruit, yoghurt, whole grain) a day (a.k.a dr.cohens) and then "reward" on saturday with a big takeaway.
It put me through the wringer and I've worked hard this year to restore my faith in ability to lose weight while retaining a healthy relationship with food. Not falling into a pattern of restrict/binge. Of course it has been a huge struggle, having to remind myself every damned day that small steps = big results. It's okay to take small steps. Not being perfect. HAHA I still sometimes have a hard time believing it :) small steps? No all or nothing? but but but.
I've often wondered if it's possible to be okay with myself, be okay with food, be okay with everything.... yet still want to lose weight.
But this is where I am now, today, yesterday, in this moment and am thinking yes! It IS possible. To find the balance that allows the best of both worlds! I'm feeling very balanced and zen today. Don't be fooled, I'm actually a huge spaz.
Female UNIX spazz who happens to be fat, is okay with it because hey, it's just fat! Yet wants to change because I also want to run and am currently too heavy. It's a state of weirdness.
Another step forward on The Yellow Brick Road to Emerald city. Desiring Body positivity and kindness in a world filled with Body hatred, disgust and abuse.
